The Return - Chapter 7: I lied to my God!

"Its me Saab Hari!"
"Hari? What are you doing here? Who gave you the keys? And whats all this?"
"Saab, Shalini madam gave me the spare keys. She sent some pohe. I thought you liked having adrak chai. So I made some. Are you ok saab?"
"Oh", Malwankar saab lost the smile on his face. "No its ok Hari. I thought it was....never mind"
Why did Shalini madam and Sandeep saab not tell him. I don't understand what they are thinking. If I was returning home to Burhanpur. I would have sent a letter to everyone that I was coming back. I may not be living in Mumbai like Satendra. But Pune is also a big city. I don't know when I will go back. I can't go back till I make enough money to buy the land back. I hope I win the Maharashtra lottery this week. I started smiling unknowingly.
"What is it Hari? Why are you standing there like that. Get me some tea. I am starving"
"Yes Saab.", I scampered back to the kitchen. Sandeep saab gave me a thumbs up and smiled at me.
"Go Go", Sandeep Saab whispered to me as he gave me a plate of pohe. Malvankar saab was reading the paper.
"Saab I need to go back to work. Do you need anything?", I kept the tray on the table.
"Hmm No. Wait tell Shalini to give me a call"
"Ok saab", I just realized I had to see the lottery result. "Saab, can you look at the Maharashtra lottery result. If you don't mind, can you see if my ticket number is..."
"Arey how many times have I told you? All this is utter nonsense. Luck wuck is all bogus. You should not waste money like this on lottery tickets.", I nodded and turned to leave. "Wait. Come here! Whats the number?"
I pulled a ticket out from my pocket. But it was a toll receipt from the Mumbai-Pune highway. I panicked. Malvankar saab would know if I showed him this.
"Whats the number baba? I am getting late"
"Uhm it is 14566789", I covered the receipt in my palms and read the receipt number.
"Are you sure? Thats just 10 numbers. What are the last 2 numbers?"
"Aah 9 and 2", I mumbled. I was already backed up to the door, ready to leave.
"Ohh Hari! You missed by 2 numbers! But I still say you are wasting your time with this lottery shottery."
I nodded and closed the door.

"Hari. Did you keep all my bags back in the car?", Sandeep saab had sneaked out of the back door.
"Yes saab. But why did you make me lie saab. That also to Malvankar saab. I have never lied. You don't know I would have been dead if he hadn't been there. Even Krishna bhagwan would not rid me of this sin.", I recalled the time when I was helpless on the streets of Mumbai. Tears rolled down cheeks without my knowledge. I rarely let emotions get to me like this. When Baba died, I was 15. I had to close the doors of the toilet and cry all alone. After all I was the man of the house. I could not let anyone from my family see me like that. But I was thousands of kilometers away from my home. Here I could shed tears publicly without any care. Maybe I was just venting the sorrow from the day Baba died. Or maybe it was from when we were thrown out of our land by the Zameeendar.

"Arey Arey you are so emotional man!", He put an arm around me. "You remember Mahabharat. Krishna Bhagwaan said you can lie if it is for a good cause. Look I am meeting him after a long time. In the evening he is coming to Shalini Madam's house. I will surprise him then. Maybe you can tell him yourself ok? Now stop crying like a girl. How old are you? You are not a kid anymore to cry like this."

"22 saab", I pretended a smile and wiped my tears. I still made a promise to visit the Krishna mandir in the evening.

"Ok so you know the plan now?"

"Yes Saab. At 8 pm I will come to Shalini Madam's house for dinner. Then I have to get all your bags back to Malvankar Saab's house"

"Yes. What about now? I need to go somewhere to take a shower and change."

"Sir Shalini Madam said I should take you to the bungalow"

"Let's go then"

The Return - Chapter 6: The Happiest day of my life!

I woke up 15 minutes before the usual time. I lay in bed for the inevitable 6 gongs on the old clock. The same gongs that Sandeep dreaded every morning before school. God it just feels like yesterday. As I grew older the memories were more vivid than earlier.

I got ready like every other day for my morning walk. I had been regular every day of my life since I left the military. Every day except the day Savitri left me. It was good exercise. But more than that I used to enjoy the different conversations I had with people I knew. As the work day started, each of them had responsibilities to take care of.

The sky looked clear but I still carried an umbrella. I didn't need a walking stick. Never used one never will. But sometimes my knees gave up and I needed my umbrella. As old and crickety as it was, I had used the same one for 35 yrs. When we used to take a stroll around the park, I used it to cover Sandeep from rain and shine. Haha I even gave him a nice beating with it when he made those drawings on the new paint.

"Oye Ramdev."
"Jee Saab"
"Why are you late?", I said to Ramdev as he rushed from his cycle to give me my Loksatta.
"Here it is Saab. Sorry my cycle had a puncture in the morning"
"No problem. I got my newspaper on time.", I smiled at him and started walking to the park.

"Beep Beep", I heard a few horns in my lane.

Is that Shalini's car? Why is Hari driving it? Maybe her parents are visiting.

"Tukaram. Get me my regular"
"Here it is Malvankar Saab. Wheat Grass Juice"

Tukaram always kept a glass for me even though it got over at 5 am. I finished it by the time I reached Shalini's clinic.

"....Hey I gotta go attend a patient. I will talk to you later.", Shalini cut the phone as I entered the room.
"Good morning Beta. You seem really happy"
"Nothing Kaka. It is Saturday. So I am getting off half day. You remember I am cooking dinner today."
"Yes Beta I remember"
"Yea Yea. You always say that. You forgot last month."
"Aga I told you that day I was having a headache. I would have.."
"You would have made it if Sandeep was cooking", She said with a smile on her face.
"What nonsense? He cannot cook. And what does that have to do with today? I don't want to spoil my mood by thinking about that traitor"
"Ok Ok Kaka Sorry. I was just teasing.", She said with a bigger smile. I don't know what I would have done if Shalini had not moved to Pune. I couldn't be mad at her even if I wanted to.
"Accha I got to go home. I have a rummy game at the army club at 4. I will see you in the evening. Bye Beta"
"Bye Kaka"

As I reached the bungalow, I saw the gate was open. 20 years in Pune and I had not seen a burglary. Not in Major Vishwanath Malavankar's house at least. I pushed open the front door. The house was filled with the smell of ginger tea and Pohe.

"Who is it? Who is it I say", I shouted. I saw my reflection in the mirror carrying the umbrella like a bat. The big glasses, frail body and toothpick hands. When did Major Malvankar start looking that way?
"You survived 3 wars Major. You can take him down", I repeated it in my mind as I peeked into the kitchen. There was a shadow of someone. As I took steps towards the kitchen, I could hear my heartbeats getting louder. Someone was walking out. I took position beside the door to take a swipe at him. As he came closer, I stopped my umbrella midway.

"Sandeep? Is that you?"

The Return - Chapter 5: Ride Back Home

The horns were blaring into the night. The smell of Pav Bhaji hit my senses. The rains added a new dimension to the scene. I was out of Mumbai for a decade. Sure I missed these sights and sounds. But only then did I realize how much. As nostalgia took over, I slipped into the deepest sleep ever.

"Saab Saab, we are home", Hari shook me by my hand. The sun hit my face. Last I knew, Pune was 4 hours from Mumbai.

"What took us so long? We were supposed to be here at night!"

"Saab, Mumbai Trapick saab. What to do?", smiled Hari.

"Where are we? This is not Pune!", I remembered the hamlet we moved into after we sold our Mumbai house. The streets were lined up with McDonalds and Subway billboards. The people all around were dressed in Levi's and Express. Where did the sleepy town of Pune go away?

"Nana! Where's Nana? I mean Malvankar saab"

"Saab, Malvankar saab must be on his morning walk now. I have the keys to his house. Follow me", Hari opened the door for me

"Morning walk? But how can he go on a morning walk so soon? Dr. Shalini said he was serious.", Hari was no where to be seen. He had already taken all my bags into the house.

"Hi this is Dr. Shalini Ruparel from Pune. Malvankar Kaka is my patient. I wanted to talk to you about him. He is serious.", I dialed my voice-mail again to check if I missed something.

It did seem like she left the last sentence incomplete. Why did I not see it the first 100 times I heard that message.

"Hari! What time does Nana get back?", I walked into the kitchen. Everything was as Aai had left it. The steel dabbas with labels on them. The water matka with naturally cool water. The same old Allwyn Fridge. It was as if Aai cooked here even today. I remembered the time, she showed me how to cook Pohe. It was still my lifesaver when I had nothing to take out.

"He generally stops by at the Medical center after his walk. He should be back in a hour though. Saab I have to go drop the car at Shalini Madam's place.", said Hari as he strained tea. Hmm Is that ginger tea? That's my favorite. It's Nana's favorite too.

"Oh do you mean Dr. Ruparel? Can you call her? I need to talk."

"Hello? Shalini Madam?.......Hari shpeaking......Yes Madame we got stuck in trapick....Madame Sandeep Saab wants to talk...One Min."

"Hello Dr. Ruparel, Sandeep here"

"Hi Sandeep. How was your flight?"

"It was"

"Anyways what I was saying was....Malvankar Kaka was not in town when you left me that message", she cut me off.

"Yea about that. Your message actually gave me the impression"

"Don't worry I won't tell him. It will be a good surprise. Hey I gotta go attend a patient. I will talk to you later.", She barged in again. I would have kicked some butt if someone did that to me in a meeting or something. Somehow I didn't mind. It brought a smile on my face. In someways reminded me of Avantika. Wonder how old this Dr. Ruparel is?

The Return Chapter 4: I love my son

It was 18th Jan 1997. Savitri passed away after a year long struggle with cancer. I had taken voluntary retirement from the army. Ironically those were probably my best moments with Savitri. It was as if I caught up with all the things I had missed out in twenty years of marriage. Twenty years and I had never before had the opportunity to fall in love with my wife. All my life I had traveled from army post to army post. She had been the pillar supporting all that I had. And all I had left by the end of it were her and Sandeep.

We did not inform Sandeep until she had gone away. In hindsight that was probably my biggest mistake. We did not want his engineering studies to get affected. That day he came back home to see his Aai in a white sheet. He just hugged her and sat there for hours. We never looked into each other's eyes. Did I not have the courage to do that? All my life I had only heard stories of my Sandeep. I was not part of any of them. I did not know his language. For days we sat at the same table. He never talked to me unless I asked him anything. Every time I tried, he shut himself away from me. Every night after he went to bed I would go to his room and have silent conversations. That was his last year in college. I eagerly waited for him to come back in the next vacation.

"Nana I am leaving for Chicago next month. I got into University of Chicago.", he said as soon as he came back from college one day.

I did not know what to say. So I said the next thing that came to my mind.
"Sandeep how can you do that? How can you betray your country like this? You can't leave India"

He left on 10th August 1999. Ten years had passed like ten million. I incarcerated my life in the memories of Savitri and Sandeep. The old boxes still had his old clothes and toys. I redecorated his room like I would have if I was around when he was a toddler or when he went to school. I had come to terms with my life. I just would not have Sandeep sitting next to me or sharing a drink with me or take me to a movie ever. The best I could do was recreate his existence when I did have a chance and not take it.

That day was different though. It was Savitri's birthday. I kept staring at the phone all day. Picked it up a hundred times to see if it was working. I canceled all my usual day chores. But it did not ring. It did not ring.

After a sleepless night, I convinced myself that everything was just the way it should be. I should be happy for him. For what tremendous success he had achieved in a foreign land. Something his father could never achieve. Seven gongs on the old wall clock. Time for my morning walk.

"Namaskar Malvankar Kaka", I heard Shalini's voice.

"Arey Shalini Beta. How are you?"

"I am doing good Kaka. We just got MRI machines for the clinic."

"I am so proud of you beta. You are working in your own country and helping us build our nation. Nahitar Aamcha Sandeep (Not like my son Sandeep)"

"Kaka! Thanks for the support. But whats wrong with what Sandeep is doing? I mean you should be proud. He is doing so great for himself in Chicago!"

"Whats wrong? He is doing good for a different country! The govt. spent so much money on his education in IIT and he abandoned our country like a traitor. How could he leave his country, his Nana...", I had not let myself talk about him with anyone since then. I could not talk to her after that. I just could not let myself open up the feelings that I had put away long time ago. I felt this sudden urge to talk to him. I had never asked for his number even when he wanted me to take it. I thought I could punish him by keeping distant. But who was I punishing?

The Return - Chapter 3: The Phone Call

It had been three long years since I started the Gajanan Medical Clinic. And it still felt like yesterday when I ventured into this godforsaken village. Serendipity works in mysterious ways. Not a day goes by without the thought of how different and futile my life may have been, had my US visa gotten accepted. In the pits of depression, I was saved by a community much less fortunate than my royal household.

The day started like any other. I reached the health center greeted by a scores of people on my 10 minute walk.
"Dr. Shalini Ruparel MBBS MD", said the plate outside my office. But I was more than just the doctor treating them. Over time, I came to know each and everyone from the slums as I would know someone from my family. Within a year, I lost all misgivings about having a nuclear family with no relatives and siblings.

I spotted Malvankar Kaka on his brisk morning walk. Even at 60, he maintained his crisp dressing. His shorts and t-shirt seemed right out off the ironing board.
"Namaskar Malvankar Kaka"

"Arey Shalini Beta. How are you?"

I knew Malvankar uncle as a friend of Dad. He was never close to me when I grew up. But he had supported me when my family opposed my plans for the Medical Clinic. He had since always been the voice of reason whenever I had a problem.

"I am doing good Kaka. We just got MRI machines for the clinic."

"I am so proud of you beta. You are working in your own country and helping us build our nation. Nahitar Aamcha Sandeep (Not like my son Sandeep)"

"Kaka! Thanks for the support. But whats wrong with what Sandeep is doing? I mean you should be proud. He is doing so great for himself in Chicago!"

"Whats wrong? He is doing good for a different country! The govt. spent so much money on his education in IIT and he abandoned our country like a traitor. How could he leave his country, his Nana...", Malvankar Kaka suddenly stopped. He raised himself on his toes as if stopping himself at the edge of a cliff and taking a back step. I had unknowingly ventured into a forbidden territory. He just gazed down not knowing how to respond to his own thoughts.

After a moments pause, I put my arm on his shoulder.
"Kaka are you ok? Why don't you say something to Sandeep? When did you last talk to him? Kaka?"

"Leave that aside. I almost forgot. I am getting late for my morning walk. I must get going. I must get going.", It only took him a moment to brush aside the emotions as he walked away without letting me respond.

I got through the day. But all the while I could not get Malvankar Kaka's hapless expression off my mind. He was so supportive of someone like Hari, who had left his home in Bihar to make a living in Pune. Was it the same for Sandeep? Well maybe. Maybe not. But even if it wasn't, I had to find a way for him to express his feelings to Sandeep.

As I was gearing up to leave for home, I remembered that I had Sandeep's mobile number on Kaka's medical file. Would it be weird if I called him? I did not even know him. Maybe I can say I am Malvankar Kaka's doctor.

"Hello this is Sandeep Maalvahnkar. I can't take your call right now. Please leave me your name, number and a brief message and I will get back to you as soon as possible", said a heavily accented voice. Boy people change when they go to the US. God who knows maybe I would have too if I had gotten my visa. What would they do with my surname? The beep on the voicemail snapped me out of my trance.

"Hi this is Dr. Shalini Ruparel from Pune. Malvankar Kaka is my patient. I wanted to talk to you about him. He is seriously missing you. But I guess he doesn't know how to say it. Hopefully you understand his situation. I think he is feeling lonely and it would be great if you call him. Hello Hello!", damn I lost signal again. Perks of living in a village I guess. Hope that message went through.

A couple of days later, I logged on to orkut. I had a friend request from Sandy Malvankar.
"How is Nana? I am leaving for India. I will be there on DL-114 on Sat. morning 9:15 pm"

The message felt abrupt. I was unsure why he had let me know about his flight details. Maybe he wanted to surprise Malvankar Kaka. That would make him so happy.
I did not know what to do next. It was too late for me to arrange for any taxis from Mumbai airport. Maybe I could get someone to drive my car to Mumbai. Last month Hari had driven my car to the Nashik health camp. Maybe he could pick Sandeep.

"Kajra Re Kajra Re Tere Kaare Kaare Naina, Kajra Re Kajra Re Tere Kaare Kaare Naina", gosh I hated songs on ringtones. Specially when you set it for the caller.

The Return - Chapter 2: Airport Pickup

"Kajra Re Kajra Re Tere Kaare Kaare Naina, Kajra Re Kajra Re Tere Kaare Kaare Naina"

No matter how many times I heard the ringtone, it still brought a smile on my face.

"Hello"
"Hello Hari? This is Dr. Ruparel"
I was always scared of doctors since the injection Dr. Yadav gave me as a seven year old. But Shalini Madam was different from others. She had a clinic in our colony and provided free checkups to paupers like me.

I was on my feet in a moments notice and said, "Haan Shalini Madam. Boliye"

"You need to go to Mumbai."

"Mumbai?", a sweat broke on my brow. I listened to the rest of instructions nodding my head all along.

"Hello? Hari? Are you listening? So you need to leave for Mumbai tomorrow afternoon. You can pick up the car from my clinic in the morning. I will let you know the rest of the details tomorrow."

"Jee Shalini Madam. Don't worry. I will do it"

A year ago, I was one of thousands who boarded the train to Mumbai. I had made a promise to Maa that Hari Prasad Shukla will one day clear all of Baba's debts and plow his own fields. Two days in Mumbai and I was beaten up by a mob. I don't know what I did to provoke them. They asked me my name and where I was from. Then they just threw everything I owned on the ground and beat me up.

"Muluk Waapis jaaneka? Samjha? Yeh Maharashtra hai. Tum Apne pradesh mein kam karneka. Idhar dikha to fir yaad rakhna!" (Leave right now. This ia Maharashtra. Go work in your own State. If you ever come back, you will face dire consequences)

I was running away from them when I bumped into Malvankar Sahiib. The vegetables in his hand dropped on the road.
"Sorry saab. I didn't mean to do that", I started picking the tomatoes from the road. Half of them had rolled into the gutter. I couldn't look him in the eye and tears rolled down my cheek.
"Arey arey. Don't worry. What happened? Are you okay?", he said with a smile as he brushed the dirt from his pajama. He was wearing a white kurta and pajama. His eyes were hid behind thick glasses but his calm gaze soothed the turbulence of the last week.
"Saab my name is Hari Prasad Shukla. Those MNS goondas beat me up for no reason. I don't know what to do. Where to go. I have no one in Mumbai Saab. I haven't even sent any money to Maa since I came here"
"Come with me. Don't worry."

I don't know what I would have done if I had not met Malvankar Saahib. He took me with him to Pune and got me a job at Narayan Seth's chai stall. A year later, I could talk to Maa every weekend on my mobile.

I was a little concerned about going to Mumbai. But Malvankar Saahib's son was returning from America. I stood outside the terminal with the placard Shalini Madam gave me.

"That is me", a man in black suit said.

I saw a younger Malvankar saahib. I picked up his bags and led him to the car. I had never met anyone who had gone to America. Once I had seen the movie with the ship sinking. Wonder what America was like. I did not know how to talk to him. He was such a big man.

He said something in English in a low tone. I mustered up the courage to say something. I practiced it in my head a thousand times.

"Saab my name is Hari. Malvankar saahib's house is next to my tea stall."

The Return - Chapter 1: The Journey Back

It was 10 pm. The tapping of my feet did no justice to the emptiness I felt in my gut. I looked around and met the eyes of everyone on DL-114.
"Happy to be back home after a decade."
"Why in the name of god is it so hot in Mumbai?"
"I hope the gifts are enough for every relative in the city"
Every face had a different story to tell. Yet every time I looked into someone's eyes, I felt an inconspicuous accusation.
"Ungrateful son returns. Where were you when Nana needed you the most?"

I had hardly slept through the 16 hour ordeal. It was as if I was reliving a groundhog minute but couldn't rewrite the outcome.

It was end of the quarter and I was stuck in day long meetings. All I could do was click reject and switch off my phone. A decision I am sure I would live to regret every nanosecond after it. I kept justifying my actions but just could'nt forgive myself.

The baggage carousel kicked me out of my trance. I rushed forward effortlessly pushing a couple of people aside. I still had my local train skills after a decade. As I waited for my ubiquitous black bag, my mind wavered back to its guilt trip.

Nana had not called me since I moved to Chicago, unless it was my birthday or a festival. I wanted to kick myself a million times for not having the sense to talk to him every week if not everyday. I wish I had talked to him about my job, my life, about how much I missed the by-lanes of Pune or just about nothing.

"Excuse me. Beta, could you get that blue box for me", a man with stark resemblance to Nana motioned towards an upcoming bundle of luggage. For a moment, I felt Nana had played a trick on me like when he made me pick up groceries at the Bazaar. My hands subconsciously lifted the box and handed it over.

"Thank you Beta", a hand rubbed my back. The touch reminded me of the countless nights Nana used to run his palms on my forehead. It was the only time he let his guard down and let me know that he loved me. Even though, it was when I was sleeping or as I pretended to sleep. In the morning, he would morph back into his usual army demeanor. We had never allowed ourselves the privilege to be emotionally vulnerable after Amma left us. She was the bridge that connected our lives. With her demise, we had as if lost a translator in a cross linguistic meeting. Twenty Nine years of my being and all I had left to reminisce about was the touch of his rugged workman palms.

I surreptitiously wore my oakleys to cover my pre-watery eyes. A few local eyes accused me of being the arrogant NRI, who I used to despise not so long ago.

I changed my watch to reflect the local time. It was an hour since I landed as I pushed my cart through the arrival gate.
"Sandeep Malvankar, Pune", said a sign. A young kid of no more than 19 carried the sign.

"That is me", I said. He nonchalantly picked up my bag and led me to an old fiat. 5 yrs after my last visit, every car looked a mini version of a mini cooper. For a brief minute, a vivid picture of our old green fiat came to my mind. I caught myself chuckle at the time Nana spanked me when I banged it into a tree.

"All you care about is your bloody car!", I said.

"How could I be so inconsiderate? I knew he cared more about my safety and still I had to say that.", I mumbled as the boy turned his head to look at me.

"Saab my name is Hari. Malvankar saahib's house is next to my tea stall.", he said as I nodded.